I’m back from London and I have so many things to share with you next week! But right now I want to start things from a different perspective. Before my trip many of you know I had started working out with a personal trainer at Tuel Shed Training. I wanted to not only be in better shape for my trip, but continue to better myself overall.
I was going to gone for a solid week and a half without training during my vacation and my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t get back into my fitness groove. I know me, and a small break like this vacation COULD derail me. So I made sure I had booked an appointment with my trainer for today, Saturday morning, so I had no excuses.
Working out with Javier isn’t easy. Other trainers have let me get out of exercises. Javier doesn’t. He doesn’t find me charming in any way. (That I can tell) He makes me do the work and then do five more. Always five more when I can’t even lift my arm to brush hair out of my face.
I think when you find the right personal trainer it is sort of like going to a therapist. There is trust. And maybe it’s just me, but I’ve found that I’ve let my guard down in many ways. He has made me cry. He has asked questions I have never answered to anyone, much less myself.
My biggest challenge health wise is my legs. For about 20 years I’ve known something is happening there. My lymphatic system doesn’t function properly (according to all the drs I’ve seen) and I retain fluid. I admitted to Javier that I try not to let my bulky, icky legs get me down, but it’s a huge embarrassment for me. It kept me wearing jeans in the summer. I never wore skirts or shorts. I have tears rolling down my face as I write this, but it’s so true.
Javier came up with a plan to help me. He did research to find out how we can try to help flush fluid from my legs. No one ever took the time to help me find a solution. So I started the plan he laid out. I jumped on a mini trampoline. I drank hot lemon water. And a whole lot of other things because he made me believe we could do this together.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not the most positive person in the world and I can be challenging to figure out. So all of this positivity is foreign to me.
And then I went to London. Imagine my already swollen legs, on a plane. For 8 to 9 hours. I texted my trainer on day 2 a picture of my legs. Not just swollen but covered in black and blue marks. And he did more research and told me what was causing it. And how to alleviate the pain. I cringe just thinking of the pain I was in the first few days of my trip. And we walked nonstop getting anywhere from 18,000 to 21,000 steps in a day. My whole trip he was there for me. Checking to see how I was doing and reassuring me.
I really thought all my working out would have prepped me for the physicality of this trip, but I did not consider my legs.
After I landed in Minneapolis Thursday afternoon I sent a picture of my swollen feet to Javier. Pretty much doubled in size. He told me this morning he was about to send me to the dr. I think he was more worried than I thought to be.
Yesterday I got a lymphatic massage to help push fluid out. And it did help. Javier and I worked out this morning and I just realized he had me seated working out my arms the whole session. He probably didn’t want me on my feet.
So basically he isn’t going to let me fail or quit. He has come to realize my insecurities and picks me up when I need it. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I need it a lot. I’m so afraid of failing at this. I don’t want to have my body fail me. I did not want to be this person.
This time is different. For so many reasons. I remember the day I just had enough, and I had read Luke’s blog about Tuel Shed Training. I didn’t want to spend the money on a trainer and for a long time was convinced I could do this myself.
But I can’t. And that’s ok. And it’s helpful and encouraging to have someone who believes in you….more that you believe in yourself sometimes.
This got me totally vulnerable. It’s a weird and unsettling place for me.