Sometimes I just write whatever pops into my mind and I can be very thrown off by the outcome. But since this is a somewhat secret blog in the fact that very few of people know about it…let’s go with it.
You can take the title in a few different ways, and we will look at it from a few different viewpoints.
As I’ve been working out with a trainer, I’m starting to feel different. I am being told I look different. The scale isn’t yelling ‘hey, you…you are losing weight’ or anything, but maybe things are shifting.
The basic truth is that I feel better when I am working out. I also eat better. I guess the two go hand in hand for most of us. But my mind does interesting things when I am making these changes. I start to feel sexy. I have the mindset of someone who weighs 100 pounds less than I do. But then you look in the mirror and you are back to ‘Nope-not sexy’ mode. Kind of a mind f$#k if you will.
I find myself really interested in how other people feel about themselves naked. Do they like their bodies? Do really fit people look at themselves in the mirror a lot? Because as an overweight person, I dread seeing myself naked in the mirror. Forget being naked in front of anyone–not even a remote chance in hell. But do people with really fit bodies have an abundance of confidence too?
I like to pretend I win the lottery, and as I am making these changes I get to do a breast reduction (and major lift) , and cut away loose skin from weight loss surgery. (Because, you know, money isn’t an object!) The turkey neck is gone too.
I do look at people and wonder are they confident naked??
Getting naked can also be with those raw emotions. I met a listener who did weight loss surgry and she said the hard part for her is the mental stuff. Um, yeah. The mental part really does mess with you. I look back at who I was at say age 25, and I wonder where that girl is now. Because she certainly isn’t in front of me when I look in the mirror. My confidence has changed in ways I hadn’t expected. I set time aside for myself to do the things I need to do to recharge, but I don’t necessarily think positively about myself.
Sometimes in a day I can toggle back and forth from feeling sexy, sultry and confident….to shy, awkward and dumpy. And sometimes that back and forth can happen like 10 times in a day.
I don’t think I judge anyone as harshly as I judge myself. And then I dive head first into ‘I don’t give a shit mode’. And stuff a piece of chocolate in my mouth.
Where are you with getting naked? Either physical or emotional?